Our Forever Family Day with Cai Yun - August 27, 2012

 

(Looking outside our Crowne Plaza hotel window in Zhengzhou, Henan Province, China)

Exhausted from our intense preparations leading up to our trip and from all of the travel up to this point, the building anticipation of finally meeting Cai Yun could not keep us from falling to sleep the night before our big "Gotcha Day" -  our Forever Family Day.  However, as with most mornings since our arrival to China and complements of our jet let, Max and I woke up in the wee hours that Monday morning of August 27th.  Those sleepless early morning hours allowed us to finally have a quiet moment for final reflections on what the magnitude of the morning might bring, how Cai Yun might be feeling during her final night at the orphanage and what in the world she might be thinking as the morning came.  This flood of thoughts and emotions washed through what had been up until now our numb minds, causing us to together humbly bow our heads and hearts in prayer.  We were finally lulled back to sleep for another short rest by the rain that continued as we woke again and got ready for the big day ahead.

 

As with much of our adoption process, this morning started with more hurrying up and waiting!  We hurried to get ready and forced down breakfast so we would be on time to leave the hotel with our travel group only to find out we would have about an hour wait before departing.  The morning rain had caused some local flooding and made some streets unsafe to travel for the local orphanage in Zhengzhou.  This made us even more concerned about Cai Yun's three hour trip to Zhengzhou from her orphanage city of Zhumadian.  Trying to keep our cool, we headed back to our hotel room and captured a few photos of us...the last as just Max and Julie!

Holding what would be our first gifts to give to Cai Yun in person and a nod to her Chinese heritage - a panda back pack full of little treasures and a ladybug PillowPet!

At least a few teary eyes were visible as we boarded the bus...and the palpable anticipation increasingly built like the billowing clouds between all of the eight families in our travel group during the bus ride.

This was our first glimpse of the Zhengzhou Registration Office building where we could see from our bus window that some of the children and orphanage workers were waiting for us.  We wondered if Cai Yun might be one of the children already there!

 Families rushed to get off the bus in hopes their child was already inside.  Max and I were the last off the bus as we gathered a couple bags of donations we brought for the orphanages.

 Right inside the main entrance door of the registration office we were met with a flurry of activity and commotion. Families were already being handed sons or daughters while others in our travel group tried to help capture these once in a lifetime moments on cameras.  Already, sounds of young children crying filled the large room as we entered.

Upon entering the registration office, we looked over to the right and spotted a tiny framed girl seated on a large leather couch with big shining eyes and high black pony tails intensely studying each person who came through the door.  Our eyes met.  We seemed to both immediately know each other as the one that we had been waiting to finally be together with at last.  I smiled and waved and Max and I made sure our cameras were ready to capture this long awaited meeting of our little Cai Yun.  As we wound our way through the clusters of emotional families being handed a son or daughter, it looked like Cai Yun was being prepped one last time for this very big moment by two kind looking young women.

 

 Since we both instantly recognized each other, no one had to match us to our child.  Yet this girl looked so different to me in person, especially compared to the few photos we had received of her while waiting and stared at for hours.  Cai Yun seemed so shockingly thin and I tried to quickly shove back my dismay of seeing what almost looked like a malnourished child - our daughter - sitting in front of me.  She appeared like a lanky doll with her round head adorned with two big braids, large eyes and full mouth perched on a long neck and her long, stick like limbs.  Her features were accentuated, almost exaggerated, by the snagged white tights and bright red, but slightly stained late 1960s/early 70s polyester dress with a white scalloped collar, wool plaid vest and frayed shamrock accents that she was dressed in (how did she know her new momma is into vintage  :) ?!!). 

Despite all of this, Cai Yun was truly lovely, like a graceful doe deer, with her bright, large sparkling eyes and broad smile.  Upon bending down to her, Cai Yun greeted me by saying, "hello Mother, I love you."  
   

Even though part of me wanted to pick Cai Yun up, twirl her around while screaming "do you know how long we've waited for you?", then smother her with hugs and kisses, the other part of me kept my emotions and excitement tightly in check.  I knew she needed to ease into this moment and transition to these "foreigner" parents of hers. Nonetheless, Cai Yun quickly allowed me into her space, accepted and even seemed to quietly enjoy my purposely restrained affections.

 Cai Yun's bright spirit sweetly shone as she readily smiled at her new and strange daddy and mommy

 

 

Cai Yun was even more pleased after she figured out the necklace we gave her had a matching pendant to mine bearing the Chinese characters for mother and daughter. 

On this big day, we were also thrilled to meet Xia Zhong, who is in charge of our adoption agency's (CCAI) charity department.  This past March during a spell of feeling very discouraged about how things were progressing with our paperwork and the lack of information we had received on Cai Yun, Xia surprised us with a phone call.  This was a woman we had never spoken to or corresponded with before, but she told us that she had just returned from a trip to China and wanted us to know that she met Cai Yun while visiting her orphanage in Zhumadian.  Xia shared details from her conversation with Cai Yun and repeated over and over how cute and sweet she was.  After our call she followed up with an email and a video of Cai Yun walking (something we had requested from the orphanage when we saw her profile in January)!  This was like a shower from heaven after a very long, dry spell of no information on this little girl who was across the world and was to be our daughter! 

Xia seems like an amazing person and she has a very big task in working on behalf of CCAI to help meet the great needs of the orphanages throughout China.  If you ever want to learn more about how you can help, she can be reached at the contact info listed under DONATE at http://ccaifamily.org

 While some of the young children being united with his or her forever families screamed and cried in the background, Cai Yun calmly colored in a Winnie the Pooh coloring book I packed for her in the panda backpack.  We were pleasantly surprised to see that Cai Yun came to us with a brand new, hot pink Minnie Mouse back pack stuffed with a few mementos, gifts and treasured photos of Cai Yun, (even a couple baby pictures!!)... a very rare occurrence for children who come from China orphanages.

Ms Zhu and Ms Yu, were the two staff members from the Zhumadian Welfare Institute, Cai Yun's orphanage, who accompanied Cai Yun to Zhengzhou to be united with us.  That morning we learned  that they had taken the train from Zhumadian the previous day and spent the night in a hotel next to the train station so they would be sure to be on time for our meeting.  Cai Yun was clearly loved by them and she seemed equally fond of them. 

 During our morning at the registration office, Ms Zhu and Ms Yu regularly interacted with Cai Yun, while also giving us time alone to get to know each other.  They both worked hard to ask her questions or relay information to her on behalf of us, remind her of things they had told her about or taught her like some key English phrases including "hungry, thirsty, tired, hot, cold, or WC"(for bathroom).  At times they would also quickly reassure her when needed.  It was and has been so evident that the orphanage prepared her well for this very big day and for her new life.

 Ms Yu serves as a teacher at the orphanage.  She kept the kids occupied with activities while not in school and helped Cai Yun and the other older children with homework after they returned from school each day.  She seemed very kind hearted and concerned for Cai Yun, evidenced in her gentle interaction with her and also in how she made sure she reviewed those key English words she had taught her to help survive in her new life. 

 

And with every stage of this adoption process there was more paperwork for us to complete and sign

 While the orphanage staff stuck around, Max and I tried to make sure we got as many of our questions answered as possible.  I got busy going through our long list and taking notes, Max videoed and recorded, and Cai Yun entertained herself with a red bouncy balloon we brought for her...all while the other young children screamed and cried in the background.

Even though it was hard to not just sit and stare at Cai Yun, we felt so fortunate that the orphanage staff from Zhumadian were willing to stay that morning at the registration office for so long, answer all of our questions they could or promise to provide the information the next day when we would travel to Zhumadian to apply for Cai Yun's passport.  We were so very blessed and fortunate that they spoke such good English and were so committed to Cai Yun's smooth transition to our family.  Many of the seven families in our travel group had little interaction with the staff that accompanied the other children from the different orphanages and had many to most questions left unanswered.

Finally three!  Taking an official family photograph for our adoption registration certificate.

We all tried to muster a smile for a couple final photos when it was time to say goodbye to Ms Zhu and Ms Yu, but a wave of sadness rolled over each of us.

After being so very brave and resilient the whole morning, Cai Yun finally broke down in quiet, sad tears when she knew it was time for Ms Zhu and Ms Yu to leave.  That was the first time tears really flowed for each of us that morning.  I just felt such a deep sense of gratitude towards these two women who so clearly cared for our sweet Cai Yun and I was filled with a profound sense of the sadness they all seemed to feel while saying goodbye. 

After being full of smiles since we met her, Cai Yun solemnly and silently stared out the bus window when we left.  She seemed to be searching for Ms Zhu and Ms Yu as the bus crept away from the registration building and for some time afterward.  A pang of dread hit me that the typical distance or detachment orphans often hold towards adoptive parents, especially early on, was now starting.

 Just as his affect on me, it did not take long for Max's comforting presence to draw Cai Yun back to her sweet smiles and fun loving playfulness

 Then the red bouncy balloon came out...
 

 ...and the smiles got bigger...
 

...and the giggles and mischief started as she with all her might batted the balloon high into the air to the other younger children and families sitting in front of us - all total strangers to her!

 In that moment, Cai Yun showed us on that bus ride back to the hotel how she always manages to engage others...
 

 how she quickly adapts...

...and how she has an unquenchable spirit!

From the first time Max picked her up, Cai Yun clearly relished being carried by her daddy and would always joyfully wrap her arms around his neck as he lifted her

Upon entering our hotel room for the first time Cai Yun dove onto her bed, kicked off her shoes and visibly melted in relaxation before announcing "hungry"

We walked across to the restaurant at the Holiday Inn Express, where we were told by the guides served good, reasonably priced Chinese food.  Before even bothering to confer with us, Cai Yun ordered a large orange juice and an order of beef noodles.  (What else would you want on a 90 plus degree day with impossible humidity, but a giant bowl of steaming noodles?!)  Underestimating Cai Yun's appetite, we attempted to split the endlessly long noodles between us in three smaller bowls.  With fork in one hand and chop sticks in the other, Cai Yun showed us she can chow down (more like suck down) those noodles until they disappeared before our eyes!!

 After returning to the hotel from our lunch, Cai Yun proclaimed "tired." Being exhausted ourselves, we gladly put her down for a nap and joined her in our little bed for this much needed siesta
 

I somehow pealed myself out of bed from a glorious sleep and met our guides, Yisha and Rita, who led one member from each family in completing more of the required paperwork.  Then I had to return to our room to fetch Max and Cai Yun, who had freshly awoken from her nap.  Max's signatures and thumb prints and Cai Yun's hand prints (in lieu of foot prints required for babies) were needed to complete the paperwork that was being readied for the next day.

As we soon discovered she would always do, Cai Yun very meticulously worked her hand over the red ink pad...

 ...and very carefully made her hand print with the red ink

 As daytime drew to a close, Cai Yun wanted beef noodles again for her supper.  When we got back to the hotel, I asked if she wanted to take a bath but did not force it.  While many of the families quickly changed their little one's clothes once at the hotel, we made sure to leave Cai Yun in her familiar clothes.  Since the orphanage staff that morning quickly explained when we met her that Cai Yun was not walking due to an accident she had had about 5 days earlier, we finally asked that night if we could peal off her tights so we could take a look at the injury for ourselves.  The orphanage staff told us that Cai Yun had fallen off a small bike that some kids were pushing and were told there was no broken bones after taking her to the hospital.  They gave us the copy of the X-ray of her left leg along with a radiologist's report written in Chinese characters.  However, it was clear that  Cai Yun's little leg was bruised and swollen right above her ankle and that she was in some serious pain, especially when pressure was applied on the spot of the injury.  She would not even try to walk or stand on her left leg.  After Max studied her leg and the x-ray, he was convinced Cai Yun had a fracture in her lower left tibia, which was later confirmed. 
Another example of how strong Cai Yun is!

We were very perplexed by what looked like a long grease mark that zigzagged over her leg and worked hard to wipe it off that first night.  What we wrongly assumed was grease from a bike chain, we later found out was a traditional Chinese ointment used to help ease pain. 
At times, our cultures are so very different...

That night Cai Yun started what seems like an ongoing effort to photodocument her new life, including her new mommy and daddy.  We believe this helps her process what she is experiencing and helps her work through all of the big transitions

Time to get ready for bed - the girl loves being kissed by her daddy, who got to carry her to and from the bathroom!

Cleverly finding ways to avoid bearing weight on her left leg, Cai Yun dangled from the counter of the hotel bathroom while brushing her teeth before heading to bed 

After bracing ourselves to be ready to not receive love from her for some time, we could not believe how ready Cai Yun was to show us her love

 

Goodnight, Cai Yun... Sweet dreams little girl!

Now to Him [Glory to God] who is able to do immeasurably more
than all we ask or imagine,
according to his power that is at work within us.

(Ephesians 3:20 NIV)

 

 

Finally Home with Cai Yun!

So sorry that we were not able to keep you better updated while in China or so far upon on our return.  It was a very long trip in China, with little free time and not good options for uploading photos without our laptop.  We were exhausted yesterday when we finally arrived to our apartment over a day late (around 2 pm on Sunday, September 9th) with another delayed flight Sunday morning and trying to allow Cai Yun get acclimated to her new digs (she goes through everything like she is the FBI!)
Cai Yun is a true delight.  She has surprised us both with her unquenchable spirit and vibrant personality.  Her heart seems very ready to be part of a forever family - she has been so accepting of us and seems to relish our love and adores Max and his humor.

Cai Yun is very much like having a baby...her life (and now ours) revolves around a continuous cycle of sleep, eating, WC (bathroom) and attending to basic needs like being too cold or hot.  I think this is pretty typical of a child "from a hard place," but she also mixes in a lot of silliness and at times defiance - which shows she is already feeling pretty comfortable around us.  She seemed to be impatient that our stay in China kept going and seems very happy to be finally here in the US.  We are all battling jet lag and are sad that Max starts his new rotation next Monday.  I'm not sure what we will do without him!

We do appreciate your prayers and love for Cai Yun.  God obviously holds her very dear and so do we.  We love you and will try to keep the updates more regular and the photos more accessible - I'll add a few more for now...




August 27, 2012 (our Gotcha/Forever Family Day):  Shortly after finally meeting sweet Cai Yun... she was startlingly thin, but beautiful and lovely with her big eyes and broad smile.  Her first words to me were (in English) "hello Mother, I love you."

August 27, 2012:  From the first time Max picked her up, Cai Yun visibly relished putting her arms around her daddy and being carried in his arms

 August 27, 2012:  We could not believe how ready Cai Yun was to show her love to us

August 28, 2012:  We love the portraits that Cai Yun captures of us with those skinny arms and little hands holding out the camera!

August 28, 2012:  at Zhengzhou's Adoption Registration Office, where our adoption of Cai Yun was finalized!

August 28, 2012:  After a very long day of trips to the Zhengzhou Adoption Registration Office, the notary office, a scurried trip to Cai Yun's orphanage city of Zhumadian (six hours on a crazy van ride roundtrip) to apply for her Chinese passport and a very heart wrenching visit to the Zhumadian Social Welfare Institute (Cai Yun's orphanage), we arrived back very late to our hotel and Cai Yun downed a huge serving of beef noodles, strawberry milk, and ice cream!  This was after talking about noodles nonstop for the last hour of our drive back from Zhumadian and even telling the van driver that he looked like a fat noodle!

August 29, 2012:  Finally able to relax a bit at a lovely nearby park in Zhengzhou...Cai Yun's first wish was to take a paddle boat ride

 

Driving Miss Daisy...I mean Miss Cai Yun

 August 29, 2012:  Cai Yun is very proud of her beautiful long black hair and after letting me do it the first morning, the poor thing decided it was best to take over that job.  Every morning she works on a new and original creation!

We also love when she lets it hang down!

 August 29, 2012:  Max will deny it, but it is obvious that Cai Yun simply adores him!  She just loves playing with Max and teasing him.  The silliness escalates to new levels when the two of them go at it!  Cai Yun is always on his case for his course whiskers that are too rough to her soft checks when she hugs or kisses him.

August 29, 2012:  One of Cai Yun's favorite pass times is using Max as her Barbie head for experimenting on fashionable do's.

September 4, 2012:  We feel like Cai Yun has always been part of our family.  She brings a lot of joy, a few tears and moments of feeling perplexed or out of control, but so many more smiles and times of laughter.

September 4, 2012:  This tiny 40 pound nine year old girl has one BIG personality!

September 4, 2012:  Our lovely Cai Yun in her traditional Chinese dress that was a parting gift from one of the orphanage workers...just one of the tangible testimonies that she was truly loved.

September 5, 2012:  Cai Yun is always finding a way to tickle mommy...even in the back of a zooming taxi cab!  She often goes for under the arm...

September 10, 2012:  Cai Yun seems to ultimately find a way to always smile, laugh and be silly, even when she was at a dreaded pediatrician visit at Duke today.
 

September 10, 2012: For now, Cai Yun is opting to sleep by mommy and daddy and always wants to snuggle with little Sweet Pea and Rembrandt, who seem very pleased to accommodate her!

Finally Ready

If I were pregnant and going into labor, I would be one of those mothers that cling to a hospital wall while others try to direct me to the labor and delivery room in vain attempts to keep the impending reality at bay.  I would probably never feel organized enough, informed enough, adequate enough, or ready to have that baby!  That is exactly how I’ve been feeling as our impending travel approval from China finally became a reality on July 30th.  Leading up to that date and building on and after that key day, I have been experiencing waves of deep panic and floods of deep emotion of every flavor you can imagine.  Embarrassed to admit this, you would think that after we made the concerted effort to start this adoption process six years ago and enduring year after year of waiting that I would have everything perfectly ready and in order.  Instead, my world was turned upside down over those years and I just tried to hang on.  Now I know that something else was happening – God was combining those circumstances and all of those from the rest of my life to refine me to a more fully state of readiness. 

Over the years many children have been confused by my lack of having children.  I was asked once by a little girl, “you are not a girl, you are not a mommy…what are you?”  Just recently I was grilled by a very inquisitive four year old boy after being told that I would soon be getting a daughter, “but why haven’t you had a child yet?”  Flustered, I said several times back to him, “because we couldn’t” – not able to supply an answer that he could understand, or maybe accept.  Later I thought of a truer answer.  I haven’t had a child yet because I wasn’t ready.  I don’t mean an organized house and cutely decorated room ready or mastering some key Mandarin phrases ready, but mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually ready.  

Will I ever be or able to get us organized enough, informed enough, adequate enough or really ready to be the parents Cai Yun so deserves?  No.  But I have to say my excitement has been bubbling up and pushing through and past all of those tiring and nagging thoughts and fears.  I have done all that I can do and now I have to trust that the time is finally right.

We are beyond excited to meet and get to know this wonderful little girl who has made it through her past nine years.  Cai Yun most likely has endured some very harsh moments or at times has had no choice but to stare at a futureless life with not only strength, but beauty and pure sweetness emanating from her.  This morning at 6:05 am we plan to take off on a plane headed for Beijing, China to start a new, completely unknown journey in our lives.  We are going in total faith.  In five short days, this little girl will make the two and a half hour journey from her orphanage city of Zhumadian to Zhengzhou, the capital city of the Henan province, accompanied by two representatives from her orphanage.  She will meet the “foreigners” who have been sending her care packages since they were given the nod every month since March, who deeply love her even though our only glimpses of her are  those captured by a few photographs or seconds of video, and who want the privilege to become her parents.  We have been praying daily not only that we will be ready to be parents to this little girl, but also for Cai Yun since we saw her precious face in mid January.  We have continually asked God to ready her heart and mind and to prepare her for this life altering transition that will take her away from all that she has ever known and the few things in her life she might have managed to love.  We pray that she too can leap out in faith with us as we start the process of becoming a forever family. 

We love you Cai Yun…more than words can ever say or express adequately.  We are finally ready to come to you! 

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

With thankful hearts and much gratitude!

We purposely told very few people about our decision to adopt from China when we started the process in August 2006.   Perhaps for selfish reasons, but based on the desire to not have to constantly answer the well intended but too often asked, “have you heard anything yet?”  When the process extended to six years, I have to say that we were often glad we made that decision.  The few who have known from early on have been a steadfast in their emotional support to us.  We have had a core group of people willing to take time out of their very busy schedules to serve as references for two different homestudies and/or for numerous adoption grant applications.  As we have recently shared our exciting news with more people just over the last few months, we are amazed at the overwhelmingly positive reactions and kind and loving words about our decision to move forward with an older waiting child with special needs even though these folks well know that we are not in the best place financially.  All of these words of encouragement have bolstered us as we climbed the last tedious steps and dealt with reoccurring doubts that we are doing the right thing at this time in our lives.  In addition, the outpouring of true excitement and kindness has given us the same joyful moments that others expecting a baby regularly enjoy. 

When entering the China adoption process in 2006, the expense of the adoption was significant, but one we were confident that we could manage.  Since then, with our dramatically changed circumstances the total expenses became a much greater financial burden for us to face.  Of the $28,422 to $30,497 estimated total adoption costs, we had paid almost $12,000 and as of this summer the additional $16,379 to $18,454 required to finalize the adoption (not counting any accompanying medical related expenses for clubfeet treatment) was staring us down. 

THEN GOD MOVED IN A BIG WAY!
Of the six adoption grants we applied for this spring, we were awarded a total of $11,500 by three organizations including:  Topeka Community Foundation Building Families Fund, Show Hope, and JSC Foundation.  Then unplanned gifts came from our families.  Next a totally unexpected gift was presented to us by friends who wanted to share an unexpected blessing they received.  Recently more money came in from family members.  In just a few months, the huge financial obstacle we faced to finalize the adoption was more than completely covered by the extreme kindness and generosity of others.  Each of these gifts came from people who work very hard and could have easily used the money for something they needed or even wanted, but they instead made the choice to give their own money to help bring a physically disabled girl that they have never met home.  This is a perfect picture of God’s abundant grace and blessings that He showers us with - even though we are so undeserving.  He gives us all that we need and more!

Watching God so clearly working out each and every detail of His plan for providing Cai Yun a forever family and us a long hoped for child has been an extremely humbling experience.   Even though we were very young and poor college students when we got married, we rejected most of the financial help from our parents.  Over the years we almost never let our friends pay anything for us.  While accepting these generous gifts we have had to realize that that they are not for us, but for helping provide hope and a future to a little girl who would be an outcast in her own country.  These gifts are a considerable blessing to us and Cai Yun, our special waiting child in China, helping us not just clear but soar over the last financial hurdles we face as we travel to China on August 22nd. 

These unplanned and unexpected acts and words of sweetness, kindness, generosity of time and money from strangers, families and friends, all ultimately from God, are helping pull Cai Yun out of the darkness and into the light.

And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus. 
To our God and Father be glory for ever and ever.  Amen.  (Philippians 4:19-20 NIV)

Our Adoption Story from Max's Point of View (written August 6, 2012)...

I would love to say that I always wanted to adopt a child from a hard place, to love them unconditionally in the same way Christ loves me, and to provide them with an opportunity to reach the full potential that Christ designed her to reach.  The reality is I wanted “the American dream:” the nice house, the pretty wife, 2.5 children, six figure salary, power, position, and prestige.  At the point in my life those things  were mostly a reality, I had a literal come to Jesus moment.  My life began to change.  I didn’t give that dream up, I wasn’t faithful enough.  It was taken from me.  That was the only way I would be able to truly live for my savior.  Now, I live on the edge.  I don’t know what is going to happen day to day, I don’t feel like I can accomplish what He has set before me, and I have lost all independence – my life is exactly where He wants it to be.  I am in complete dependence on Him to get me through each day and I constantly pray for His will, His strength and His power to get me through.

What is my reward for this new life of complete dependence?  It is not the American dream, it is His dream.  Now, I am living a life of sacrifice, of loss, of reaching out beyond my comfort zone.  I am increasing my debt, my savings are dwindling.  I’ve lived apart from my wife for months.  I’ve been on my knees begging my Father in Heaven for His forgiveness and mercy for my inadequacies and failures.  I know that I am not living a life worthy of His grace, yet He continues to abundantly bless me in ways unimaginable and unwarranted.

I have a loving wife who gave up her job to follow me to PA school 700 miles away.  She then removed herself from consideration of a very good job opportunity because we had decided to pursue a medical needs child adoption instead of a healthy child.  My life is so full, I feel like I am going to explode at times.   And yet, here we are flying to China in two weeks to adopt a child we have been waiting for since 2006.  I am pursuing a career in healthcare that I thought about since I was 4 years old.  I just participated in the birth of thirteen children during my OBGYN rotation.  I don’t think that is a coincidence that the same month I participate in the birth of 13 babies to 13 strangers, knowing I can never have that experience with the person I love the most on this planet, is the same month we get to finalize our adoption from China.

And some people say God doesn’t have a sense of humor.  I don’t know about that, but what I do know is God has an amazing plan; and no matter how unworthy I am, He is faithful to that plan.

All praise to The King.

How our Adoption Journey Began

I’m posting this on our 21^st wedding anniversary...

Our discussions of building a family through adoption started twenty-five years ago, when we fell in love as teenagers, and has slowly unfolded and evolved ever since.  At that time, I did not think I would ever want to adopt because I had grown up with a lot of adopted children that seemed so unhappy.  Unfortunately, many of the adopted kids I knew were the result of closed adoptions (they had no knowledge of or contact with birth family members), in families that tried to keep his or her adoption secret - at least something that should not be talked about, or who had families that pretended that nothing from his or her past would or should affect their lives.  But over this time, God gradually softened and molded our hearts to desire His will and to wait for His perfect timing.   In mid-2004, after being married for thirteen years (and being asked by certain family members and friends for almost as long “when are you going to have a baby” or why haven’t you had a baby yet?”), we sadly discovered we would likely never achieve our own pregnancy.  Totally heartbroken, this devastating blow took time to process and to heal from. 

Yet our hearts still longed for a child to love and we especially had a tender spot for those around the world who suffered.   Knowing without any doubt that God chose us as his adopted children and continually experiencing God’s unconditional love for us, one of the most important things we believe we can impart to a child is His wondrous love, the power of His merciful redemption, and His transforming grace that can heal us, make us whole, and help us realize our full potential of who He made us to be.  After extensive research about each adoption option, talking with numerous adoptive parents and with hearts finally ready to be vulnerable again, we chose to pursue an international adoption through China’s traditional program.  Starting the “paper chase” process in August 2006, our dossier was logged in China’s system on April 5, 2007.  At that time, the estimated waiting time for traveling to China to adopt a healthy child under a year in age was less than twelve months.  However since our log in date, traditional adoptions in China started dramatically slowing to almost a halt. 

Our deep desire to become parents through adoption remained strong and we considered other countries and even reconsidered domestic adoptions as options before our life circumstances greatly changed.  Everything adoption related was put on hold when we were heavily hit by the economic downturn that severely impacted our country and especially the state of Michigan.  Max suddenly lost his automotive related job in November 2008 and Julie’s employer implemented across the board pay cuts for the three subsequent years she remained. 

Realizing the far reaching impact of the down economy was a God given opportunity to follow a calling he had felt for years, Max quickly moved to change to a career where he could more greatly help and impact people’s lives.  The first major step was completing the many prerequisite classes and direct patient care experience hours required for applying to physician assistant programs.  Applying to / being accepted into physician assistant graduate programs is an arduous and not always successful process, which Max started in January 2009.  We felt exceptionally blessed when Max was accepted into the nation’s number one ranked program in January 2011.  Committed to not being pulled apart as many families have been due to changing job situations, Julie left her job in Michigan to join Max in making the temporary move to Durham, North Carolina in August 2011, when he started the two year Physician Assistant program at Duke University. 

A Sudden Leap Forward:
Resigned to more waiting and picking up the pieces of our adoption dreams after Max completed school, our plans completely changed again in mid-January 2012 after we saw a waiting child profile of an eight year old girl in China with untreated clubfeet.  We immediately contacted our adoption agency, Chinese Children Adoption International (CCAI), and requested any information they had on this sad, but strong looking girl named Cai Yun.  Her file stated that she was in an orphanage in the Henan Province, one of China’s most populated and poorest provinces.  She entered the orphanage in January 2011, about a month before her eighth birthday, and was only available for adoption by families with dossiers already logged into China.  CCAI explained that using our logged in dossier to adopt this girl in China’s Waiting Child Program would cause us to be taken out of the line we had been in for five years – the line for a healthy baby in the traditional program. 

Always longing for a baby, making the sudden switch to an older special needs child was a huge leap away from the dream we had been clinging to for all of these years.  Nevertheless, we knew that this was the girl that God intended for us all along - the one we were waiting for since finding out we could not have a biological baby.  After much prayer, we decided that we were willing to do whatever it took to bring this sweet girl into our family.  Having done so much research on China’s perspective on and treatment of orphans, especially older children and those with disabilities, we feel strongly led to pursue the adoption of this now nine year old child.  While we could choose to keep our lives simpler by shrugging our shoulders and saying, “this is not a good time for us” or “we cannot afford to do this right now,” we know that this girl does not have the luxury of making choices.  With her female gender, older age as an orphan and physical disability, her future would be very limited to bleak if left in China.  Despite the complexities that this adoption will likely bring, we felt like it was not an option to leave her there.  Being able to adopt her is truly a gift from God.

Happy Anniversary, my sweet.