I would love to say that I always wanted to adopt a child from a hard place, to love them unconditionally in the same way Christ loves me, and to provide them with an opportunity to reach the full potential that Christ designed her to reach. The reality is I wanted “the American dream:” the nice house, the pretty wife, 2.5 children, six figure salary, power, position, and prestige. At the point in my life those things were mostly a reality, I had a literal come to Jesus moment. My life began to change. I didn’t give that dream up, I wasn’t faithful enough. It was taken from me. That was the only way I would be able to truly live for my savior. Now, I live on the edge. I don’t know what is going to happen day to day, I don’t feel like I can accomplish what He has set before me, and I have lost all independence – my life is exactly where He wants it to be. I am in complete dependence on Him to get me through each day and I constantly pray for His will, His strength and His power to get me through.
What is my reward for this new life of complete dependence? It is not the American dream, it is His dream. Now, I am living a life of sacrifice, of loss, of reaching out beyond my comfort zone. I am increasing my debt, my savings are dwindling. I’ve lived apart from my wife for months. I’ve been on my knees begging my Father in Heaven for His forgiveness and mercy for my inadequacies and failures. I know that I am not living a life worthy of His grace, yet He continues to abundantly bless me in ways unimaginable and unwarranted.
I have a loving wife who gave up her job to follow me to PA school 700 miles away. She then removed herself from consideration of a very good job opportunity because we had decided to pursue a medical needs child adoption instead of a healthy child. My life is so full, I feel like I am going to explode at times. And yet, here we are flying to China in two weeks to adopt a child we have been waiting for since 2006. I am pursuing a career in healthcare that I thought about since I was 4 years old. I just participated in the birth of thirteen children during my OBGYN rotation. I don’t think that is a coincidence that the same month I participate in the birth of 13 babies to 13 strangers, knowing I can never have that experience with the person I love the most on this planet, is the same month we get to finalize our adoption from China.
And some people say God doesn’t have a sense of humor. I don’t know about that, but what I do know is God has an amazing plan; and no matter how unworthy I am, He is faithful to that plan.
All praise to The King.
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