Our discussions of building a family through adoption started twenty-five years ago, when we fell in love as teenagers, and has slowly unfolded and evolved ever since. At that time, I did not think I would ever want to adopt because I had grown up with a lot of adopted children that seemed so unhappy. Unfortunately, many of the adopted kids I knew were the result of closed adoptions (they had no knowledge of or contact with birth family members), in families that tried to keep his or her adoption secret - at least something that should not be talked about, or who had families that pretended that nothing from his or her past would or should affect their lives. But over this time, God gradually softened and molded our hearts to desire His will and to wait for His perfect timing. In mid-2004, after being married for thirteen years (and being asked by certain family members and friends for almost as long “when are you going to have a baby” or why haven’t you had a baby yet?”), we sadly discovered we would likely never achieve our own pregnancy. Totally heartbroken, this devastating blow took time to process and to heal from.
Yet our hearts still longed for a child to love and we especially had a tender spot for those around the world who suffered. Knowing without any doubt that God chose us as his adopted children and continually experiencing God’s unconditional love for us, one of the most important things we believe we can impart to a child is His wondrous love, the power of His merciful redemption, and His transforming grace that can heal us, make us whole, and help us realize our full potential of who He made us to be. After extensive research about each adoption option, talking with numerous adoptive parents and with hearts finally ready to be vulnerable again, we chose to pursue an international adoption through China’s traditional program. Starting the “paper chase” process in August 2006, our dossier was logged in China’s system on April 5, 2007. At that time, the estimated waiting time for traveling to China to adopt a healthy child under a year in age was less than twelve months. However since our log in date, traditional adoptions in China started dramatically slowing to almost a halt.
Our deep desire to become parents through adoption remained strong and we considered other countries and even reconsidered domestic adoptions as options before our life circumstances greatly changed. Everything adoption related was put on hold when we were heavily hit by the economic downturn that severely impacted our country and especially the state of Michigan. Max suddenly lost his automotive related job in November 2008 and Julie’s employer implemented across the board pay cuts for the three subsequent years she remained.
Realizing the far reaching impact of the down economy was a God given opportunity to follow a calling he had felt for years, Max quickly moved to change to a career where he could more greatly help and impact people’s lives. The first major step was completing the many prerequisite classes and direct patient care experience hours required for applying to physician assistant programs. Applying to / being accepted into physician assistant graduate programs is an arduous and not always successful process, which Max started in January 2009. We felt exceptionally blessed when Max was accepted into the nation’s number one ranked program in January 2011. Committed to not being pulled apart as many families have been due to changing job situations, Julie left her job in Michigan to join Max in making the temporary move to Durham, North Carolina in August 2011, when he started the two year Physician Assistant program at Duke University.
A Sudden Leap Forward:
Resigned to more waiting and picking up the pieces of our adoption dreams after Max completed school, our plans completely changed again in mid-January 2012 after we saw a waiting child profile of an eight year old girl in China with untreated clubfeet. We immediately contacted our adoption agency, Chinese Children Adoption International (CCAI), and requested any information they had on this sad, but strong looking girl named Cai Yun. Her file stated that she was in an orphanage in the Henan Province, one of China’s most populated and poorest provinces. She entered the orphanage in January 2011, about a month before her eighth birthday, and was only available for adoption by families with dossiers already logged into China. CCAI explained that using our logged in dossier to adopt this girl in China’s Waiting Child Program would cause us to be taken out of the line we had been in for five years – the line for a healthy baby in the traditional program.
Always longing for a baby, making the sudden switch to an older special needs child was a huge leap away from the dream we had been clinging to for all of these years. Nevertheless, we knew that this was the girl that God intended for us all along - the one we were waiting for since finding out we could not have a biological baby. After much prayer, we decided that we were willing to do whatever it took to bring this sweet girl into our family. Having done so much research on China’s perspective on and treatment of orphans, especially older children and those with disabilities, we feel strongly led to pursue the adoption of this now nine year old child. While we could choose to keep our lives simpler by shrugging our shoulders and saying, “this is not a good time for us” or “we cannot afford to do this right now,” we know that this girl does not have the luxury of making choices. With her female gender, older age as an orphan and physical disability, her future would be very limited to bleak if left in China. Despite the complexities that this adoption will likely bring, we felt like it was not an option to leave her there. Being able to adopt her is truly a gift from God.
Happy Anniversary, my sweet.
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