come to Me

(Looking outside our Crowne Plaza hotel window in Zhengzhou, Henan Province, China)

Exhausted from our intense preparations leading up to our trip and from all of the travel up to this point, the building anticipation of finally meeting Cai Yun could not keep us from falling to sleep the night before our big "Gotcha Day" - our Forever Family Day. However, as with most mornings since our arrival to China and complements of our jet let, Max and I woke up in the wee hours that Monday morning of August 27th. Those sleepless early morning hours allowed us to finally have a quiet moment for final reflections on what the magnitude of the morning might bring, how Cai Yun might be feeling during her final night at the orphanage and what in the world she might be thinking as the morning came. This flood of thoughts and emotions washed through what had been up until now our numb minds, causing us to together humbly bow our heads and hearts in prayer. We were finally lulled back to sleep for another short rest by the rain that continued as we woke again and got ready for the big day ahead.

As with much of our adoption process, this morning started with more hurrying up and waiting! We hurried to get ready and forced down breakfast so we would be on time to leave the hotel with our travel group only to find out we would have about an hour wait before departing. The morning rain had caused some local flooding and made some streets unsafe to travel for the local orphanage in Zhengzhou. This made us even more concerned about Cai Yun's three hour trip to Zhengzhou from her orphanage city of Zhumadian. Trying to keep our cool, we headed back to our hotel room and captured a few photos of us...the last as just Max and Julie!

Holding what would be our first gifts to give to Cai Yun in person and a nod to her Chinese heritage - a panda back pack full of little treasures and a ladybug PillowPet!

At least a few teary eyes were visible as we boarded the bus...and the palpable anticipation increasingly built like the billowing clouds between all of the eight families in our travel group during the bus ride.

This was our first glimpse of the Zhengzhou Registration Office building where we could see from our bus window that some of the children and orphanage workers were waiting for us. We wondered if Cai Yun might be one of the children already there!

Families rushed to get off the bus in hopes their child was already inside. Max and I were the last off the bus as we gathered a couple bags of donations we brought for the orphanages.

Right inside the main entrance door of the registration office we were met with a flurry of activity and commotion. Families were already being handed sons or daughters while others in our travel group tried to help capture these once in a lifetime moments on cameras. Already, sounds of young children crying filled the large room as we entered.

Upon entering the registration office, we looked over to the right and spotted a tiny framed girl seated on a large leather couch with big shining eyes and high black pony tails intensely studying each person who came through the door. Our eyes met. We seemed to both immediately know each other as the one that we had been waiting to finally be together with at last. I smiled and waved and Max and I made sure our cameras were ready to capture this long awaited meeting of our little Cai Yun. As we wound our way through the clusters of emotional families being handed a son or daughter, it looked like Cai Yun was being prepped one last time for this very big moment by two kind looking young women.

Since we both instantly recognized each other, no one had to match us to our child. Yet this girl looked so different to me in person, especially compared to the few photos we had received of her while waiting and stared at for hours. Cai Yun seemed so shockingly thin and I tried to quickly shove back my dismay of seeing what almost looked like a malnourished child - our daughter - sitting in front of me. She appeared like a lanky doll with her round head adorned with two big braids, large eyes and full mouth perched on a long neck and her long, stick like limbs.  Her features were accentuated, almost exaggerated, by the snagged white tights and bright red, but slightly stained late 1960s/early 70s polyester dress with a white scalloped collar, wool plaid vest and frayed shamrock accents that she was dressed in (how did she know her new momma is into vintage :) ?!!).

Despite all of this, Cai Yun was truly lovely, like a graceful doe deer, with her bright, large sparkling eyes and broad smile. Upon bending down to her, Cai Yun greeted me by saying, "hello Mother, I love you."

Even though part of me wanted to pick Cai Yun up, twirl her around while screaming "do you know how long we've waited for you?", then smother her with hugs and kisses, the other part of me kept my emotions and excitement tightly in check. I knew she needed to ease into this moment and transition to these "foreigner" parents of hers. Nonetheless, Cai Yun quickly allowed me into her space, accepted and even seemed to quietly enjoy my purposely restrained affections.

Cai Yun's bright spirit sweetly shone as she readily smiled at her new and strange daddy and mommy

Cai Yun was even more pleased after she figured out the necklace we gave her had a matching pendant to mine bearing the Chinese characters for mother and daughter.

On this big day, we were also thrilled to meet Xia Zhong, who is in charge of our adoption agency's (CCAI) charity department. This past March during a spell of feeling very discouraged about how things were progressing with our paperwork and the lack of information we had received on Cai Yun, Xia surprised us with a phone call. This was a woman we had never spoken to or corresponded with before, but she told us that she had just returned from a trip to China and wanted us to know that she met Cai Yun while visiting her orphanage in Zhumadian. Xia shared details from her conversation with Cai Yun and repeated over and over how cute and sweet she was. After our call she followed up with an email and a video of Cai Yun walking (something we had requested from the orphanage when we saw her profile in January)! This was like a shower from heaven after a very long, dry spell of no information on this little girl who was across the world and was to be our daughter!

Xia seems like an amazing person and she has a very big task in working on behalf of CCAI to help meet the great needs of the orphanages throughout China. If you ever want to learn more about how you can help, she can be reached at the contact info listed under DONATE at http://ccaifamily.org

While some of the young children being united with his or her forever families screamed and cried in the background, Cai Yun calmly colored in a Winnie the Pooh coloring book I packed for her in the panda backpack. We were pleasantly surprised to see that Cai Yun came to us with a brand new, hot pink Minnie Mouse back pack stuffed with a few mementos, gifts and treasured photos of Cai Yun, (even a couple baby pictures!!)... a very rare occurrence for children who come from China orphanages.

Ms Zhu and Ms Yu, were the two staff members from the Zhumadian Welfare Institute, Cai Yun's orphanage, who accompanied Cai Yun to Zhengzhou to be united with us. That morning we learned that they had taken the train from Zhumadian the previous day and spent the night in a hotel next to the train station so they would be sure to be on time for our meeting. Cai Yun was clearly loved by them and she seemed equally fond of them.

During our morning at the registration office, Ms Zhu and Ms Yu regularly interacted with Cai Yun, while also giving us time alone to get to know each other. They both worked hard to ask her questions or relay information to her on behalf of us, remind her of things they had told her about or taught her like some key English phrases including "hungry, thirsty, tired, hot, cold, or WC"(for bathroom). At times they would also quickly reassure her when needed. It was and has been so evident that the orphanage prepared her well for this very big day and for her new life.

Ms Yu serves as a teacher at the orphanage. She kept the kids occupied with activities while not in school and helped Cai Yun and the other older children with homework after they returned from school each day. She seemed very kind hearted and concerned for Cai Yun, evidenced in her gentle interaction with her and also in how she made sure she reviewed those key English words she had taught her to help survive in her new life.

And with every stage of this adoption process there was more paperwork for us to complete and sign

While the orphanage staff stuck around, Max and I tried to make sure we got as many of our questions answered as possible. I got busy going through our long list and taking notes, Max videoed and recorded, and Cai Yun entertained herself with a red bouncy balloon we brought for her...all while the other young children screamed and cried in the background.

Even though it was hard to not just sit and stare at Cai Yun, we felt so fortunate that the orphanage staff from Zhumadian were willing to stay that morning at the registration office for so long, answer all of our questions they could or promise to provide the information the next day when we would travel to Zhumadian to apply for Cai Yun's passport. We were so very blessed and fortunate that they spoke such good English and were so committed to Cai Yun's smooth transition to our family. Many of the seven families in our travel group had little interaction with the staff that accompanied the other children from the different orphanages and had many to most questions left unanswered.

Finally three! Taking an official family photograph for our adoption registration certificate.

We all tried to muster a smile for a couple final photos when it was time to say goodbye to Ms Zhu and Ms Yu, but a wave of sadness rolled over each of us.

After being so very brave and resilient the whole morning, Cai Yun finally broke down in quiet, sad tears when she knew it was time for Ms Zhu and Ms Yu to leave. That was the first time tears really flowed for each of us that morning. I just felt such a deep sense of gratitude towards these two women who so clearly cared for our sweet Cai Yun and I was filled with a profound sense of the sadness they all seemed to feel while saying goodbye.

After being full of smiles since we met her, Cai Yun solemnly and silently stared out the bus window when we left. She seemed to be searching for Ms Zhu and Ms Yu as the bus crept away from the registration building and for some time afterward. A pang of dread hit me that the typical distance or detachment orphans often hold towards adoptive parents, especially early on, was now starting.

Just as his affect on me, it did not take long for Max's comforting presence to draw Cai Yun back to her sweet smiles and fun loving playfulness

Then the red bouncy balloon came out...

...and the smiles got bigger...

...and the giggles and mischief started as she with all her might batted the balloon high into the air to the other younger children and families sitting in front of us - all total strangers to her!

In that moment, Cai Yun showed us on that bus ride back to the hotel how she always manages to engage others...

how she quickly adapts...

...and how she has an unquenchable spirit!

From the first time Max picked her up, Cai Yun clearly relished being carried by her daddy and would always joyfully wrap her arms around his neck as he lifted her

Upon entering our hotel room for the first time Cai Yun dove onto her bed, kicked off her shoes and visibly melted in relaxation before announcing "hungry"

We walked across to the restaurant at the Holiday Inn Express, where we were told by the guides served good, reasonably priced Chinese food. Before even bothering to confer with us, Cai Yun ordered a large orange juice and an order of beef noodles. (What else would you want on a 90 plus degree day with impossible humidity, but a giant bowl of steaming noodles?!) Underestimating Cai Yun's appetite, we attempted to split the endlessly long noodles between us in three smaller bowls. With fork in one hand and chop sticks in the other, Cai Yun showed us she can chow down (more like suck down) those noodles until they disappeared before our eyes!!

After returning to the hotel from our lunch, Cai Yun proclaimed "tired." Being exhausted ourselves, we gladly put her down for a nap and joined her in our little bed for this much needed siesta

I somehow pealed myself out of bed from a glorious sleep and met our guides, Yisha and Rita, who led one member from each family in completing more of the required paperwork. Then I had to return to our room to fetch Max and Cai Yun, who had freshly awoken from her nap. Max's signatures and thumb prints and Cai Yun's hand prints (in lieu of foot prints required for babies) were needed to complete the paperwork that was being readied for the next day.

As we soon discovered she would always do, Cai Yun very meticulously worked her hand over the red ink pad...

...and very carefully made her hand print with the red ink

As daytime drew to a close, Cai Yun wanted beef noodles again for her supper. When we got back to the hotel, I asked if she wanted to take a bath but did not force it. While many of the families quickly changed their little one's clothes once at the hotel, we made sure to leave Cai Yun in her familiar clothes. Since the orphanage staff that morning quickly explained when we met her that Cai Yun was not walking due to an accident she had had about 5 days earlier, we finally asked that night if we could peal off her tights so we could take a look at the injury for ourselves. The orphanage staff told us that Cai Yun had fallen off a small bike that some kids were pushing and were told there was no broken bones after taking her to the hospital. They gave us the copy of the X-ray of her left leg along with a radiologist's report written in Chinese characters. However, it was clear that Cai Yun's little leg was bruised and swollen right above her ankle and that she was in some serious pain, especially when pressure was applied on the spot of the injury. She would not even try to walk or stand on her left leg. After Max studied her leg and the x-ray, he was convinced Cai Yun had a fracture in her lower left tibia, which was later confirmed.
Another example of how strong Cai Yun is!

We were very perplexed by what looked like a long grease mark that zigzagged over her leg and worked hard to wipe it off that first night. What we wrongly assumed was grease from a bike chain, we later found out was a traditional Chinese ointment used to help ease pain.
At times, our cultures are so very different...

That night Cai Yun started what seems like an ongoing effort to photodocument her new life, including her new mommy and daddy. We believe this helps her process what she is experiencing and helps her work through all of the big transitions

Time to get ready for bed - the girl loves being kissed by her daddy, who got to carry her to and from the bathroom!

Cleverly finding ways to avoid bearing weight on her left leg, Cai Yun dangled from the counter of the hotel bathroom while brushing her teeth before heading to bed